Grrr

The curious nephew asks which phone is better – Cherry Mobile or Blackberry? Trying to be modest on the subject, I tell the boy they’re all just the same – as they’re both fruits. And the household help butts in with “Mas nindot gyud ang Blackberry!”

Porbida!

My Daily Bread

Having been hired by a friend to work on a special project for a month, I drop by the Carmelite Monastery every day before reporting for work. Jobless for the last 6 months, I have also been seriously asking God for a permanent source of my daily bread – not realizing that after every visit at the chapel, I literally (unconsciously though) “claim” (buy actually) bread at a nearby bakeshop for breakfast. Hmmm, daily bread indeed!

Disenchanted

Look at you now, you’re disenchanted, can’t believe how things can change. Take a little out of life and things get strange. And now you find the wishes you were granted, things you thought were in your hands, have slipped away. How much can you withstand? The wasted time, the money spent, a sign that reads “For Sale or Rent”. And everything is at a standstill, and where’s someone who’ll be on hand till you’re no longer disenchanted, thinking everything is wrong? You know you’re not the only one to wait so long. I wonder, can you try again? Are you that strong?

Everything But The Girl, Amplified Heart

Batman

When beleaguered with life’s inevitable tribulations, the simple and happy-go-lucky Cebuanos rely on “Bahala na!” while the superior Tagalogs, more often call on their superhero by saying “Bahala na si Batman!”.

Times are really hard all I could wish right now is for somebody (or anybody at all) to assure me “Ako’y bahala nimo!” (translated to Tagalog: “Ako’ng bahala sa ‘yo!”)

Oh Batman, where art thou?

Crying Ladies

Read from a Sunstar column earlier today – an unseen woman in somebody’s office is always heard crying. Cries that literally disrupt anybody’s lonesomeness. Why and what she’s crying for, nobody ever knows. The columnist wonders if the intangible woman ever tires of crying, and through her (the columnist’s) thoughts, even coaxes her (the lady ghost) to “leave the unwashed dishes on the pantry, the unflushed toilet, the desk with the unfinished deadlines.” And further tells her to “Go out. Have a life. There’s more than one reason to cry.”

I totally agree.

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While hearing mass this morning, an elderly couple sat beside me. When we were about to sing “The Lord’s Prayer”, the old lady reached out for my left hand and held it. In the middle of the song, the lady breaks into a sob loud enough for my nosy nephew X to stare at her. The young boy’s reaction rather embarrassed me I had to give him a stern look. During the sign of peace, I saw the old woman still in tears but somehow managed to smile at me. I was so moved I secretly prayed to God to go on and help her first with whatever it is she’s asking for. That I can always wait for mine some other time.

Honest.

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Crying has become a daily exercise for me lately. I cry over being unemployed for the last 4 months; over missing my immigrant sisters; each time I pray the rosary, tears just voluntarily fall on their own; I cry over uncomplicated tv and movie plots; reading the news whether real or fabricated ones, makes me cry; even the Azkals' recent victory over Mongolia made me teary-eyed! I’m worried my tears are beginning to get uncontrollable. They’re starting to become idiotic and insensible.

Oh dear, can somebody please help me?

Fleeting Farewells

If I were to save up all the tears I’ve shed for the last 2 weeks, I would have probably filled up a glass by now. I don’t know what exactly am I crying for – Could it be the coincidental passing away of my 2 good friends Ralph and Litly? Or my best friend Glocel’s unexpected relocation? How about my being unemployed for the last 3 months? Or imminently becoming broke for the next few days? I could also even blame it on PMS, that monthly issue that we women have to go through half our lives. But for whatever it is, all I know is that the feeling is as painful and excruciating as a root canal, as awful as hitting your shins onto your bed frame, and perhaps, as horrible as jamming your knuckles in a car door!

Losing friends physically and geographically, becoming unproductive, these are such a depressing way to start the new year. I wonder why I have to go through this desolation. Surely, separation pay does not pay much of the separation anxiety. But then, everything else in this world is just temporary. I may still be at a loss but life must go on, as dead people also have to go on with their eternal lives.

Ralph and Litly, may you find true happiness in God’s loving arms. See you soon my friends (much later, I mean).

Glocel, I will miss you on a daily basis (though I’m sure you’ll miss me even more). But I will definitely still see you around, come high tide or low.

On the brighter side, I know I’ll get hold of that elusive job sooner than I think. I may never get rid of being broke, but I know I’ll be able to get by. And all these transitory goodbyes will just fade away as I weave myself back into my normal life.

Happy Endings

photo from darryldesigns.blogspot.com

A sporadic friend unexpectedly disconnects again. Weeks later, I get an apologetic message from her saying she has secretly flown to Singapore to try her luck. Armed with only her laptop and a decade of developmental work experience, I am certain she will be able to fend for herself. Well she should be, her best friend lives there.

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3 months ago, a friend inconspicuously became a father. The text message “Sorry sa surprise” awoke me from dreamland. It was both a happy and astounding news for us friends. How he never told a soul, I presume prudence was the name of the game. Why talk when nobody asks? 3 days ago, he has already gone off to the capital with his look-alike daughter to join his new wife and start a new life – that of temporarily becoming a full-time father and husband!

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Over lunch yesterday, a friend has opened up about her ongoing annulment case. She seemed fine. She’s already friends with her ex and thankfully, their daughter has quite some EQ as well. The little girl said it’s okay for her mom to look for a new boyfriend, but only after the annulment gets done. Cool.

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Last night, a friend confided to us that hopefully by next year, when her husband’s overseas contract becomes stable, she and their 2 kids might join him in the Middle East for even just a year, or just before the kids start school. The thought excites her. She looks forward to the moment of time that her hardworking husband would also be able to experience firsthand their young children’s early growing years. Oh how sweet.

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On Monday, I will be witnessing an intimate wedding of another friend who had been ecstatic of marching down the aisle, probably even before she could learn how to walk. I am truly happy for her for she has finally found the man who has dreamt of her to become his bride. May they live happily ever after.

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I have yet to find my own ending, too. Wish it’ll be happy, as endings are beginnings of beautiful things. Ew.