Jeproks, Jologs & Jejemons

In the 70s, Jeproks was the “in” thing. If you were to listen to Mike Hanopol’s famous song “Laki sa Layaw Jeproks!”, you will figure out the pinoy slang as referring to somebody coming from an affluent family who’s leading a carefree lifestyle. In short – a good-for-nothing bum.

“Its etymology may have been the combination of the local vehicle "Jeep" and the musical genre "Rock". Jeep-rock is not a famous word but Philippine jeepneys are known to follow the career of local rock singers and turn on their radio speakers very loud to attract young passengers to ride.” – from a certain Mary Magdalene is my mom (Yahoo! Answers)

I checked out urbandictionary.com and it says:

“A Filipino slang term for anyone hailing from the projects. Often stereotyped as the cooler, more laid back, and savagely street smart bunch. Almost parallel to being "hood" as Americans would say.”

Example: “The way you smooth talked that cop into letting us of the hook was so Jeproks!”

In the 90s, another street-slang came out of every yuppy’s mouth – Jologs. I’ve read somewhere it was derived from Jolina (Magdangal) and Itlog thus the term “Jologs”, referring to somebody tacky or anybody associated with stuff that are mainly for the masses. In other words, baduy.

Again from urbandictionary.com:

1. Derived from the combined words daing (salted fish), tuyo (a type of dried fish) and itlog (egg). Dyolog then became Jolog, a term for someone who is tacky, but implied in a more negative tone and often referred to people who belong to the lower class of society.
2. "Baduy", "skwating", tacky
3. Someone who likes Jolina Magdangal (a tacky, teeny-bopper wannabe)
4. Anything or anyone associated with things that are "pang-masa" (for the masses)

Example: “ABS-CBN is so jolog. And Judy Ann Santos is just about the queen of jologs. Well... second to Jolina anyway.”

Recently, another alien term has been coming out from the internet – Jejemon. Having absolutely no idea what the hell Jejemon means, I dug it out again over urbandictionary.com:

1) Usually seen around social networking sites such as Friendster and Multiply, Jejemons are individuals with low IQs who spread around their idiocy on the web by tYpFing LyK diZS jejejeje, making all people viewing their profile raise their eyebrows out of annoyance. Normal people like you and me must take a Bachelor of Arts in Jejetyping in order to understand said individuals, as deciphering their text would cause a lot of frustration and hair pulling.

CAUTION: THESE INDIVIDUALS ARE BREEDING! THEY CAN BE SEEN WRECKING GRAMMATICAL HAVOC ON FACEBOOK TOO!

2) Basically anyone with a low tolerance in correct punctuation, syntax and grammar. Jejemons are usually hated or hunted down by Jejebusters or the grammar nazi to eradicate their grammatical ways.

Example:

miSzMaldiTahh111: EoW pFuOh!
You: Huh?
miszMaldiTahh111: i LLyK tO knOw moR3 bOut u, PwfoH. crE 2 t3ll mE yur N@me? jejejejeje!
You: You are a jejemon! Don't talk to me, you uneducated retard!
miszMaldiTahh111: T_T

It also says:

a person WhO tyPeZ lYKeS tH1s pfOuh.. whether you are RICH, MIDDLE CLASS or POOR ifpK eU tYpE L1K3 tHiS pfOuh..eU are CONSIDERED AS JEJEMON.

Tsk tsk tsk. After having befriended the urbandictionary.com for half a day, I can still put up with being called Jeproks and even Jologs but certainly not Jejemon. Shucks, how am I supposed to impart this to my friends who love to write tHeIr ShOuToUtS lIkE tHiS?

Tickle My Fancy

I am fond of collecting stuff with catchy names or titles. Out of sheer boredom, I tend to squander whatever remaining loose change I have every time I come across interesting finds. Among the bits and pieces I’ve stumbled upon (in the past) are:

1. Screaming Trees album (grunge band in the early 90s)
2. Could Be Worst (children’s book)
3. The Love Book (photo book)
4. Dyslexic Heart (single from the movie Singles)
5. I Love You To Death (Keanu Reeves & River Phoenix movie)
6. Luna’s Moustache (Philippine history book)
7. Ang Kagila-gilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran Ni Zsazsa Zaturnnah (Filipino graphic novel)
8. Suddenly Stateside (short essays on Pinoy life in the USA)
9. Rome and Juliet (Indie film)
10. Everything You Didn’t Need To Know About Australia (trivia book)

Latest I’ve chanced upon are these 2 books on sale at Powerbooks:

Our Lady of Weight Loss (Miraculous and Motivational Musings from the Patron Saint of Permanent Fat Removal)

and

The Insatiable Spider Man (a Cuban novel)

These 2 better be a good read, otherwise I’d be forced to come up with my own banner like “Killing Time In the Middle of a Deadline” perhaps?

Put off this nonsense. Get back to work.

Goodbye Friends

In November of last year, my high school friend and classmate Weldy gave in to breast cancer. Just last week, my grade school classmate Marvin also succumbed to diabetes. Both returned to their Creator barely reaching the age of 40, just when life is supposed to begin for most of us.

Weldy, as I could recall, was a pleasant character in our batch. She was one of those girls who diligently studies even way before our periodical exams. I may not have known her more beyond school but for the 4 years that we’ve been together, I could see then that she was a kind daughter and sister to her family.

As I gathered from our old friends after her demise, she never complained about her illness, no matter how painful and heart-wrenching her cancer could have been. I admired her even more for the courage to live contentedly up to her last breath.

Marvin, on the other hand was my classmate in grades 2 and 3. As I was a new student in second grade, he was one of the first kids who became my friend for the simple reason that our mothers knew each other from way back. Aside from being smart, he was also the biggest boy (both tall and chubby) in our class which I guess, made him automatically class president.

There’s this funny story I never fail to share time and again with our batchmates and even with other friends who do not know him personally. Being the class leader, Marvin was always designated by our adviser to stay at the front and write on the board everyone else who dare open their mouth whenever our teacher was out of the room. Unfortunately, I could never take a break from chatting with whoever is willing to listen so I was always number 1 on his list. One time, upon seeing my name boldly written on the board, a “bright idea” just popped into my young impish mind. I signaled Marvin to come over where I was seated and whispered to him “Papasa na ako name diha, tagaan ka nako ug bag-o nga piso!”. Seriously, he was not the type to be fooled around. Of course, he didn’t approve my “bribery” and so there was nothing else I could do but to shut my mouth! After sometime of me keeping still, eventually he removed my name from the list and to my surprise, he went back to me and whispered “Patan-awa lang ko!”.

After 3rd grade, I left for Manila and came back 3 years after. Marvin was no longer in the same school and somehow since then, we never got the chance to meet again face to face. As I mentioned to my brother this morning the sad news, he was also taken aback by Marvin's untimely death. He remembers Marvin as a kind kid. But to my playful mind, I bet my tubby brother refuses to remember when I used to ask him before “Ngano’ng si Marvin nga tambok, cute man, ikaw lagi kay dili?!”.

So long Weldy and Marvin. May your souls find eternal rest in our Father's hands. And may we see each other again up there… much, much later of course!

The Lighter Side of Being Heavy

As a young kid, I used to be (always) the tallest and biggest in class. I was also constantly surrounded by towering and sometimes oversized friends and playmates. I was unusually taller and bigger than my elder sisters as well so vertical insecurities on my part have always been unheard of. In short, I confidently grew up thinking and feeling tall even after I’ve already stopped growing at age 13 and have reached my maximum height of only 5’2 (haha!).

I vividly remember when I was in 1st year high school, during our daily flag ceremonies, I voluntarily positioned myself at the 4th and last row of our class. For some strange reasons during my 2nd year, I noticed some of my classmates to have grown slightly taller than me, prompting me to move forward to the 3rd row. To my disbelief, they continued growing on our 3rd year and obviously, by the time we were in 4th year, I have already become a reluctant front liner! But somehow, it never made quite a dent on my ego. I never developed any qualms at all because aside from “feeling tall”, I was also luckily a bit skinny at that time. Yeah. That was 23 years ago.

Fast forward to 7 years after my high school graduation, I was a newly hired junior artist in a local ad agency, both pressured and excited with my advertising job. On my 2nd month (at work) alone, I was slightly underweight at 107 lbs. (being 5’2 and should be normally weighing 110 lbs.). Those were the days when getting in and out of my jeans were never a big deal. 4 years into the business, I had the opportunity again to work elsewhere. As I gradually got accustomed to my new environment, I just woke up 1 day and found myself already quite heavy at 118 lbs.! Uh-oh, I told myself. Being young and still physically conscious then, I tried hard to get thru on a 3-day fat burning diet. It was so successful I was able to get rid of my excessive 8 lbs. in just 3 days! Amazing huh?

And so for the next 3 years, I was fortunate enough to maintain and enjoy my ideal weight. I still had the liberty to tuck my shirt in, every single, working day. When my employer sent me twice to the US to attend our company’s annual meetings, I had more than enough room between my legs and my jeans to wear a pair of leggings to keep me warm from the autumn chill. Even my 2-weeks’ worth of clothes literally fitted in a regular trolley luggage alongside some souvenirs I’ve accumulated during my trips. Until the costly company annual meetings were totally stopped on my supposedly 3rd chance to attend. Along with some changes in the management, everything else such as my 14th month bonus, my Christmas dollar bonus and other benefits were all taken away for unreasonable basis. My officemates and I did try to negotiate with our unsupportive superiors only to be disappointed time and again. Unfortunately, the management never gave in to our legitimate requests. It was such a depressing stage in my entire employment history that I took everything into heart and resulted into my hoarding of unwanted superfluous flab. In the few months that followed, I suddenly ballooned into 120 lbs.! I probably poured out all my frustrations into overfeeding myself that since then, I unconsciously bloated myself till I reached my present weight of 142 lbs. (tsk tsk tsk!) Anyway, it’s been years since that unfortunate turn of events in my career. Somehow I have already moved on despite not having moved away.

And so here I am today, literally heavier than the people’s champ Pacman himself, absorbing all kinds of jokes – sometimes mine but most of the time, other people’s, e.g. “Buntis ka ba?” or “Did you just give birth?” (All of these were genuinely conveyed.) I guess I should be thankful I was born happy I could easily take all corpulent invectives without any difficulty. I could even make fun of myself and honestly laugh at it as well. I guess the only issue for now is how to get into my swimsuit without exerting much effort. I think I better get back into shape before the summer season gets over. Hey, I see the building stairs winking at me.

Araw ng Kagitingan

Back in 1980, I was a 10-year old Cebuano Grade 4 new student in a Manila school, trying so hard to figure out my Pilipino assignment that said: “Ano ang ibig sabihin ng giting at magbigay ng halimbawa.” I had to run to my eldest sister for help. Coming from her, I wrote this: "Ang ibig sabihin ng giting ay katapangan. Halimbawa: Andres Bonifacio." The next day, I confidently submitted my homework to my teacher who wrote on the board again “Ano ang ibig sabihin ng gitling?”

Ouch!

Celebrities on the Loose

During the Holy Week, I had the privilege of being invited by a friend’s family to join them on a long road trip that kicked off from Cebu, traversed the islands of Negros Occidental and Panay, winded up in Boracay and back again. Aside from Bora’s world-renowned beach (and the chance to show off my limited Hiligaynon prowess too!), I likewise excitedly looked forward to seeing celebrities in person – as everyone else know these people make Bora their not-so-private-hideaways on such occasions.

First celeb to see for the trip was Nelia Sancho, former beauty queen- (1969’s Miss Philippines-International, 1st runner-up to eventual Miss Universe Gloria Diaz and 1971’s Queen of the Pacific, source: wikipilipinas.org) turned student activist during the Martial Law years. She happened to own the parking lot where we left our van in Caticlan. She was quite a hands-on on her business as she personally guided drivers how and where to park their vehicles. Funny she kept on holding the back of her pants and kept saying “Pasensya na may dumi!”. I thought at first nalapsan sya but then looking at her, I was pretty sure she was already way beyond menopausal blues so it must have been something else. Anyway, if you don’t have any idea who Nelia Sancho is, I feel for you. I do not know her too!

Next to bump into was Ramon ‘Bong’ Revilla Jr., walking along the sandy path of Station 3 (What was he doing in that area?). I’ve already spotted him from afar and thought the whole family was with him. They were not. The local girls called out his name for attention only to be ignored by the “seeking for re-election” senator. Bantay ka lang sa election!

Third was PBB Teen Edition Plus 2nd placer Robi Domingo. Robi who? Well you probably wouldn’t know him at all if you’re about my age, unless of course you’re uber jologs. He was stationed at some henna tattoo corner and everyone that passed by had the chance for a photo op with the young star. Overheard him saying to his companion “Matagal pa ba ‘to Ate?”. When we got back to the same spot about an hour after, he was still around smiling at everyone’s camera. Poor boy.

Fourth in line was the plain-looking Dolly Ann Carvajal – only daughter of the late Inday Badiday; barkada to Pops F.; girl bestfriend to Cesar M.; ex-girlfriend to Robin P. & William M.; and everything else she claims to be. Saw her lounging at the beach front with a group of non-showbiz friends. Well, what more can I say about her? She had rosy cheeks alright but her mouth looked exactly like a faucet! I think the local term gripo would be more appropriate. Harsh.

Coveting the 4th and a half place was “Miss Kita Pag Tuesday” singer and songwriter RJ Jimenez. Who is he, you would probably ask. If you’ve followed for sometime ABS-CBN’s first edition of Pinoy Dream Academy, he was Yeng Constantino’s ka-loveteam. But then, who the hell is Yeng too, I bet you would ask again.

The remaining .5 was none other than the half-sized Goin’ Bulilit mainstay Dagul. Among all the other “celebrities” I’ve seen so far, it was Dagul who had the most number of fans, ranging from kids to adults and classes A to C. People curiously gathered around him and had their pictures taken with him. The diminutive Dagul had a “normal” person for a wife and an “inano” for a daughter. His boys must have been quite a handful that one of them was involuntarily forgotten and left behind at Puka Beach when their rented pumpboat have already gone ashore!

At fifth place was ASAP Gigger Boys’ Dino Imperial – the slang and coño, goodlooking boy model of PLDT myDSL sometime back. He was doing a show for Channel 23 and truly enough, the boy was precisely kiti-kiti. I remember him more as the happy-go-lucky younger brother of Ryan Agoncillo in the now defunct George & Cecil.

Hunky actor Carlos Morales came after, swaggering his way around Station 2’s strip, along with a bunch of other shirtless men at high noon, sucking all of Bora’s fresh air in exchange for their oozing arrogance. I could already imagine how those guys fart.

Sixth place goes to Kapuso Kuya Lhar Santiago together with his PA and cameraman. Tagged as the “godfather of showbiz chika”, he was such a tall and robust man that he almost would not fit into a local tricycle. Literally a giant gay and matibay – makong tiguwang bayot!

Last one and the most popular on my list was TV host, publicist and talent manager Boy Abunda (with his longtime partner Bong Quintana). I was walking past the famous La Carmela de Boracay and expressively hoped to see the “king of talk” in person, not just his Boy BBQ tarpaulins. Perfect enough, he was at the Tanduay-sponsored bartending contest posing as a judge. He looked much younger and leaner upfront. I’m glad the photo I took was clear enough to see him. And felt even better because he was the closest I could get to Kris Aquino! Haha!

They may not be high profiles or really sikat but seeing them all still amused me so why not write something about it, di bala?